Monday, January 24, 2011

The truth comes in shades of grey


It tossed and tossed,
A little brig I knew,
O'ertook by blast,
It spun and spun,
And groped delirious, for morn.

It slipped and slipped,
As one that drunken stepped;
Its white foot tripped,
Then dropped from sight.

Ah, brig, good-night
To crew and you;
The ocean's heart too smooth, too blue,
To break for you.

Emily Dickinson

Friday, January 21, 2011

That I don't know factor.


Okay. Honestly, I've done this before. I thought to myself that time before, "never again" and yet here I am. I have absolutely lost my way. A little too far into carelessness. That's the problem here. We didn't really care. Well we did but just so...we were doing it wrong. But then we do. Now. I know we don't know and I also know last time I didn't know. Know=no. Irony really. That's all it boils down to. A strange set of ironic situations. So in the true mood of the night, I will just see what happens. Is it wrong that I like it that way and it feels right? For me to have this indecision feels just fine. Hmmm. Is comfortable wrong? Am I wrong?

Monday, January 10, 2011

This one is for Tanner. I don't know why.

Nothing is going to startle us more when we pass through the veil to the other side than to realize how well we know our Father and how familiar his face is to us - Ezra Taft Benson

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Welcome to the New Year. 1.1.11


I think that every single day we are able to change and be better then the day before but today is possible a little more special because we are able to make goals that span longer then just a day. This day is fresh and clean, it is a new start. Just the beginning. So here I am sitting in a place I've never been hoping to make this year something better then the last. Thank heavens there is so much to improve upon. I've never much talked about total personal life stuff but today is the day right? Remember but always keep going.
1. Learning what is best for me
2. Getting to know the girls in my ward
3. Writing off my best friend so he could focus on the most important thing
4. Applying for summer jobs, Aspen Grove and Helaman Halls. Lucky enough to choose
5. A new sister came into my life, full of light and joy for our entire family Boom Emery Christine Peterson 4.5.10
6. Foot surgery, bye bye Paul
7. A new boyfriend
8. A summer of hard work and adventure at Aspen Grove
9. My best friend Lauren Rae Olsen got married
10. I got a car
11. I went home and to California with some good times with other people's families
12. Ended things and learned what it truly is like to listen to the spirit and know what to do, feeling clear direction in my life and learning Heavenly Father will never lead me astray
13. Robot Unicorn Attack and an awesome Halloween
14. Jerusalem, friends and a desire
15. Writing letters
16. Abnormal Psychology
17. My hardest semester yet at BYU
18. Making new friends
19. Thanksgiving
20. Christmas with my family and a bomb diggity family, Nativity Scene
21. New Years in California, lucky to meet one amazing family
22. That brings me to my New Year. I'm so grateful for all that I have been so blessed with. I can't stop thanking my Heavenly Father for the amazing family I have been given and this year I hope to treat them better then ever. I don't want to take anything for granted. What a joy it is to be continually learning so much, about myself and about the world around me.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

The water's fine.

I'm engulfed. Then I realize, tomorrow I'm free. Tomorrow I'm home. I can get through one day, I can even forget that one day of three tests. I don't even mind it now. It calls me to remember the importance of perspective. Even when it is that bad, the valley of the hike, don't worry tomorrow you could be at the top of the mountain looking at all you've overcome.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Prone to Wander

Life.
To live and to die,
Finding direction and finding life,
Blindness, momentary…
Then sight.
We all are left to choose,
To discover the treasures of the world
Or to be left in darkness
To die, the tragic death of dreams
Or to continue forward, learning all the way.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

How It Feels to Be Colored Me

This orchestra grows rambunctious, rears on its hind legs and attacks the tonal veil with primitive fury, rending it, clawing it until it breaks through to the jungle beyond. I follow those heathen--follow them exultingly. I dance wildly inside myself; I yell within, I whoop; I shake my assegai above my head, I hurl it true to the mark yeeeeooww! I am in the jungle and living in the jungle way. My face is painted red and yellow and my body is painted blue. My pulse is throbbing like a war drum. I want to slaughter something--give pain, give death to what, I do not know. But the piece ends. The men of the orchestra wipe their lips and rest their fingers. I creep back slowly to the veneer we call civilization with the last tone and find the white friend sitting motionless in his seat, smoking calmly.

"Good music they have here," he remarks, drumming the table with his fingertips.

Music. The great blobs of purple and red emotion have not touched him. He has only heard what I felt. He is far away and I see him but dimly across the ocean and the continent that have fallen between us. He is so pale with his whiteness then and I am so colored.

Zora Neale Hurston